With a car all sorted out, we just merely needed to get it checked over and serviced by someone who knows what they're doing. And sort a roofrack. And some extra wheels. With better tyres. And some Jerry cans. And a sump guard. And visas. And camping gear. So pretty much sod all really. Should be a doddle. We're practically ready to leave!
First off I start doing some serious digging about this car we’ve bought. I kick off in the obvious place by dropping an email to Perodua here in the UK. Who knows, maybe they’d be interested in three dickheads taking a Nippa to Mongolia?
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| Seriously, a real rally Perodua! |
Next step is some pretty intensive Googling on Perodua. You never know what you might find. Someone might have turned one of these silly little things into a rally car or something. Haha. What a thought eh?
Hang on. Someone did turn one of these silly little things into a rally car! Seriously? There’s someone out there even stupider than we are?
It seems so. Although it seems they were a little more serious at it than our haphazard little outfit. A link leads me to a website for ‘PRT Motorsport’ who had run a Perodua Kancil (the Malaysian model name) in something called the 'FIA B9 class'. I've no idea what that means, but I'm pretty sure it probably wasn't locking horns with Colin McRae's Subaru Impreza. There were even pictures of the little beast in action. Sadly, all this had taken place back between 1999 and 2002. So, expecting a dead end, I fire off an email to the address on the site, cross my fingers and keep digging.
More enquiries show that the Kancil was used in Malaysian rallying, so the little beast has some pedigree. But there’s either little outside the odd picture. Where there is any information, it's all in Malaysian. Another language I sadly can’t speak and make a mental note to brush up on a tad at some point.
After coming up short, without even an “Are you kidding?” from the UK branch of the manufacturers, I resign myself to the fact we’re going to have to do things the hard way. And then I get an email. It seems that PRT Motorsport aren’t quite dead just yet! A guy by the name of Tim has replied and suggested I give him a call to have a chat sometime. A mobile number is provided. So, one night after work, I dial.
A gruff sounding guy answers and I stammer through my explaination of just why I’m bothering him. Thankfully he remembers, but is having to pop out, but he’ll call me back in an hour. Thinking that’s it, I knock up dinner and feed my face in front of the computer, once more trawling the internet for information.
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| No. Really. Someone made a REAL rally version. |
Only 'Tim' actually calls back.
“So, you want to take a Nippa to Mongolia? What on earth for?”
Being someone who has rallied properly, it takes a while for my new found car friend to get his head round just exactly what we’re up to. What follows is a rather lengthy call as Tim fills me in on his rally exploits, followed by the strengths and weaknesses of the little motor we've purchase. Points to address, areas to keep an eye on etcetera etcetera. All the while, I’m scribbling notes furiously. After a good hour and a half, Tim admits there’s not much more he can tell me and he asks if he’s the only person I’ve contacted.
“Well, about the technical side of things, yeah. Although I did get in touch with Perodua UK, but I never heard anything back sadly”
“Yeah, Paul in marketing down there did mention someone had been in touch about a Rally” he chuckles.
Interesting. He still converses with Perodua! And not only that, he knows the guys there by their first names! An open door perhaps?
“Oh. So you know the guys at Perodua pretty well then?” I enquire innocently.
“I should bloody hope so” laughs Tim “I’m the MD of Perodua UK”.
It turns out that ‘Tim’ is actually Mr Tim Slaughter. Who is indeed managing Director of Perodua UK Limited and the car he’d rallied had simply been an attempt to show how serious the marque was about their entry into the European market. It seems the simple reason Perodua hadn’t followed up on our request was because the Nippa range had stopped being sold back in 2001 and been replaced by the 'Kelisa', another Diahatsu based effort packing a whopping 1000cc. And as well as there being no interest in backing an obsolete model, they weren’t actually an official arm of the company anyway, just really a franchise licencing the name and importing the cars to the UK from the parent firm in Malaysia. So they sadly had no real say, let alone any budget to assist with requests like ours even if they wanted to.
Despite this though, Tim kindly offers to sort out any parts we may need at cost price and to call him anytime if I need any further help. Most importantly though, he finishes the conversation with a solemn declaration.
“They’re simple, basic little cars. But I reckon it’ll get you there”.
With Tim’s warming words and with a good 6 and a half months to the off, we now set about getting our fundraising responsibilities underway and looking to beg, borrow and steal as much stuff as we can to ensure Percy does indeed get us there.
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| He's flying! |
A call to Thule, the posh Swedish makers of roofracky type things also proves fruitless. The lady on the other end apologetically explains that not two hours before, she’d agreed to provide two racks to another Mongol Rally team and that’s all she had available for sponsorship freebies this year.
Next, to top it all off Chalmers has an idea.
Now, normally when Chalmers has an idea, we roll our eyes, listen to what he has to say and then generally completely disregard everything that has just spilled from his lips. But on this occasion and given the circumstances, it seems we might just have to take him seriously.
His plan is to take a couple of lengths of this stuff called ‘Unistrut’ which he uses in his job as an electrician. It’s stainless steel and properly solid. He then suggests we combine this with some strategically drilled holes in our roof, some big fuck off bolts that are usually found hanging out with this unistrut stuff and then making right any weatherproofing issues with a shedload of silicone sealant.
We’re not convinced, but once he shows us the materials, even Gareth and I have to admit that for once, Paul might just have cracked it. This at least now gives us our roof bars. All we need is a rack of some sort to affix to it.
That’ll be eBay then.
Within a week, I’ve secured a basic, used Thule rack from a bloke in Catford for twenty pounds. I and my missus Faith take a nice Sunday afternoon drive down in Percy to collect it. The next weekend, 'This Khan Only End Badly' assembles to do battle with the Unistrut and the roof of a Perodua Nippa. Seven hours and about nine drill bits later, we’re done.
It’s not the most elegant bit of engineering ever witnessed, but by god it’s solid.
Right, what next? Oh yeah, everything else!
Slowly but surely, bits are assembled. Once more, eBay provides important additions like a cheap comedy airhorn and some natty little spotlights to help boost Percy’s rather lacklustre standard illumination equipment. Chalmers brother then acquires us some ex-MoD jerry cans, two for petrol and one for water.
Then through a contact at the football club, we secure a little bit of TLC for our little car. One of our matchday sponsors, Phil runs an MOT and service place in nearby Kingston and having done a bit of motorsport himself in the past is quite interested in our daft endeavour. Sufficiently sold on how daft it actually all is, he offers to give the Prodder the once over and a good service in return for an advertisement on Percy’s bottom.
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| Spacious! |
Slowly, it seems things might actually be coming together. Which no doubt means some disaster is lurking just around the corner.....
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